Dukes of Melrose: A Dreary Trip to San Francisco

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When we open this week on Dukes of Melrose, Christos and Cameron are planning a trip to San Francisco where they will be installing a Decades pop-up shop. As Christos explains, "It's where we bring the Decades experience to different cities around the world. We pop-up, like the circus, and people get to meet us, touch us and feel us."

Cut to the morning staff meeting. What is that we see—is Billy wearing color? Yes, he's traded his all-black for a sky-blue leather moto jacket, a printed blouse and insane Louis Vuitton high-top moonboots. Marcus, meanwhile, has picked up the monochrome look in slim black pants, a low-cut black top and a wide-brimmed hat (he's in "Naked & Famous, AllSaints and Hermès," thank you very much). We all learn that the pop-up will be Gaultier-themed, to coincide with a Gaultier museum exhibit. Marcus looks thrilled, minor character Jarred (the operations manager, and by the way man, where is your Hermès this morning?) looks worried. Christos has done this a few times before, so it should be easy-breezy, right? Nope, this is reality TV! There's always a conflict of some sort.

Cameron makes his first dramatic entrance of the episode, dressed head-to-toe in dark camo Gaultier couture, an ensemble that also includes a long, furry puffer jacket that looks way too warm for LA. "Are you sweating in that?" Christos asks. Billy pulls a few of the 200-plus Gaultier pieces that will travel alongside Cameron and Christos to the SF pop-up to show the group, and Christos says that the goal for this trip is to bank $50,000 in sales.

Now is the time on Sprockets when we go visit a famous person's ridiculously enormous closet. This time it's Cameron doing the consignment, and he's driving in his Gucci edition Cooper Mini to his friend Dita von Teese's house. This mission probably won't go as Christos' do. "I treat closets a little differently," says Christos. "You treat closets like a gynecologist treats a vagina!" exclaims Cameron. "Yes, I need to open it up, get in there, and get out," replies Christos. Guys, how much experience do you really have with vaginas?

Cameron ends up just hanging with Dita, and only comes away from the closet visit with a pair of gloves and some Castelbajac shark heels. "Dita doesn't have children, but she has shoes," Cameron says. It's not exactly a "raid" per se, but given the bff rapport these two have, an aggressive plundering would probably be totally awkward. Christos judges it a fail.

Back at the store, Billy (back in black, dressed like a fashion-focused priest) and Marcus are prepping for the trip. They pack up the goods, and fly up to San Fran where the pop-up is taking place in a multi-room hotel suite. First issue, there's no tool to open the 28 boxes of merchandise that they've shipped up. "Marcus, you can't open the boxes with your hands!" says Christos. "I know, I just got a manicure." replies Marcus. The team finds someone whose nails aren't perfect and manages to get the boxes unpacked and ready for the opening party.

Christos and Cameron take a drizzly walk to the de Young Museum to preview the Gaultier exhibit, which is filled with pieces from the design house's atelier as well as items owned by Madonna and Kylie Minogue. It's a fun excursion, but they quickly have to return to their Decades circus. Two hours before opening, singer and Gaultier muse Jody Watley stops by to peruse the goods. She doesn't end up buying anything, which isn't a good omen.

So spoiler: Though turnout is great for the pop-up, the serious buyers that Christos and Cameron were hoping for didn't attend, and they fell way short of their goal. In fact, the entire trip only netted them three grand in profit. Oh well, you live and you learn.

Next week, our favorite New Girl character and power spinner Schmidt Max Greenfield stops by Decades to shop for?dresses? We're assuming the trip will benefit his wife. Oh, and Cameron goes to Paris and "shoots his wad" very, very early on a vintage shopping trip.
· Dukes of Melrose [Bravo]
· Dukes Of Melrose: A Night at the Museum [Racked]
· Dukes of Melrose: A Spendy Trip to the Manhattan Vintage Show [Racked]
· Dukes of Melrose: Wedding Bells and Biba Mania [Racked]