clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Gifting Suite That Keeps On Giving

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

Patton Oswalt recently hit Skylight Books and Book Soup to promote Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, a collection of essays, short stories and unclassifiable wackiness. During his appearance, he read a story called "I Went to an MTV Gifting Suite and All I Got Was This Lousy Awareness of My Own Shallowness", a blistering tweak not only on the whole culture of gifting suites and entitlement, but of certain parts of LA, too. "?Los Angeles is eight or nine different cities. You have to pick the right ones to live in. I was spending the afternoon in the part of Los Angeles that is Sunset Blvd. west of Crescent Heights. It's Robertson Blvd. between Beverly and Olympic. Both of these areas could be napalmed, and the IQ and talent level of the city would triple." About the gifting suite itself: "Led around by a tightly smiling escort, I had to visit ghastly jewelry dealers; shitty tequila salesmen; loads and loads of iPod accessories, stationery and facial cream concerns; and two sad-looking hotties from a restaurant called Pink Taco." And who's at the gifting suites: "Hot, tan blond girls who are structurally and philosophically hideous. Buff, gelled, open-collared boys who can't read and constantly text?Assholes in bespoke clothing, distressed jeans?" So now you know those gifting suites that you'll be hearing about for the next two months come with a very high pricetag: your very soul. [Zombie Spaceship Wasteland]