Project Runway Top Ten: The Iron Ate My Paper

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It's time again for our Project Runway feature, in which comedy writer Bonnie Datt counts down the top ten moments of greatness from the latest episode.

On the fifth episode of Project Runway, Michael and Nina blow us off once again, with no excuses given. Heidi, who won't go away despite the fact that she seems to be busy hosting every show on Lifetime, is joined by this week's judges: American designer Tommy Hilfiger, returning Marie Claire editor Zoe Glassner, and special guest judge, actress Eva Longoria Parker Cougar Mellencamp. Eva's sole qualification for judging fashion seems to be that she wears clothing.

After four weeks of relatively benign challenges, it's finally time for a "design clothing from wacky materials" challenge. In this episode, the designers' assigned material is newspaper. Much like the results of the fabulous candy store, grocery store and plant challenges of yore, the act of working with something other than fabric allows the designers to create some of their most fun and original works.

This week's winner is Irina, who creates a gorgeous newspaper coat with a faux fur collar and cuffs. Our loser, and this week we're purposefully using the word "loser," is Johnny, who lies so many times that his faux sponsor Tim Gunn seems ready to tell him to work on his 10th step.

And now on to our Top Ten Moments of Greatness:

10). When Nicolas finds out what the challenge is, he responds with, "I'm speechless," then annoyingly proves throughout the rest of the episode that he is not.

9). Johnny tells the judges he didn't have much time to finish his second attempt at a dress, but fails to mention just how time consuming crossword puzzles can be.

8). Shirin asks if anyone else has "named their mannequin."

7). Christopher's dress is suspiciously similar to his winning first week design. Luckily, most of the judges who awarded him that win are AWOL.

6). Heidi, the closest thing we have this week to a judge emeritus, criticizes Gordana's lovely garment, saying it bored her because it "was actually wearable." (Michael, please come back.)

5). Tommy Hilfiger pontificates that newspapers could be the new alternative to fur. The massively in debt New York Times, immediately turns to PETA for funding.

4). Althea says she likes to design "intellectually," but describes the LA Times as a "huge building -- that is where they make all the newspapers."

3). Eva Longoria Parker's major contribution to the judging process is saying she likes to wear dresses that "accentuate my bum."

2). Tim Gunn explains that the first newspaper dress made headlines in 1968, "forty years ago," reminding us just how long ago this dinner was cooked.

1). After Johnny's dress is criticized on the runway, he says "I'm not making excuses." Then he tells the judges a steam iron ate his paper.

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