Project Runway Top Ten: Here Come the Divorcees

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And now, comedy writer Bonnie Datt counts down the top ten moments of greatness from this week's Project Runway.

It's week eight of Project Runway and the producers decide to torture our nine remaining designers with a wedding dress challenge. The twist is that they won't be making new dresses for brides, but rather will be deconstructing divorcees' old gowns into fashionable new non-wedding looks. Unfortunately, many of the old dresses they're working with are made from acetate and polyester. Not since Austin Scarlett modeled for Jay McCarroll has the runway been this flammable.

This week's models are the divorcees, who are taught how to walk by our regular Models of the Runway, ensuring that that series will have some footage to craft this week's episode from. Ironically, Gordana's divorcee walks the runway better than her former model, Tara, which says more about Tara's skills than the divorcee's.

Thankfully, Michael Kors is judging this week, but our other regular judge, who has now been gone so long now that we've forgotten her name, is still missing. She is again replaced by her colleague, Marie Claire editor Zanna Robberts. Joining them is guest judge and Jimmy Choo founder Tamara Mellon. The stakes are particularly high this time, as this is the last challenge of the season where the winner will receive immunity.

And this week's winner is...Gordana! The designer finally gets the attention she deserves with a gorgeous, edgy, asymmetrical dress. Joining her in the top three are Shirin, whose client from hell wants to dress like Cher circa her early "Half Breed" phase, and Irina who turns her client's wedding dress into what can best be described as a mother of the bride look. Our bottom three this week include Christopher, with a dress Michael describes as a cinched "metallic Hefty bag," Logan, whose pants outfit is both heinous and ill fitting, and Epperson, whose interesting Octoberfest style dress must look a lot worse in person than it does on TV. Sadly, Epperson goes home, possibly because the producers thought that dull "heartthrob" Logan should remain on screen just a bit longer.

And in our As Tears Go By count, this week, Project Runway gets Real World-like with lots of crying. This includes one bout each from both Althea's divorcee client and Shirin, and two from Gordana. Thus bringing us to a grand total of twelve crying jags this season!

Next week, a wayward Nina returns! (Oh, Nina. We can't forget you that easily.)

And now for this week's top ten moments of Project Runway greatness:

10). Nicolas's client wants fabrics which are "cruelty free." Luckily for him, she doesn't request a designer who is.

9). Shirin wears a smooshed pancake on her head which might loosely be described as "a hat."

8). German-born Heidi tells Yugoslavian-born Gordana "You did a good job this time," managing to give the designer a dig despite her win. Wasn't this how World War I started?

7). Christopher's client tells him, "I don't want to look like a fat grandmother" but unfortunately says nothing about not resembling a foil-wrapped baked potato.

6). Epperson's confusion over the instructions for this week's task offends Heidi, who may actually think she has no accent.

5). Tim Gunn tells the designers, "I'm about to send in your divorcees," pronouncing it "divorsays" like he's the host of the Dating Game.

4). Michaels Kors says, "I love a girl who loves a Half Breed moment," in a tone that implies there might be an oversized Bob Mackie buckskin or two tucked away in his own closet.

3). Heidi snidely compares the bottom two designs to Octoberfest outfits, showing a heartbreaking lack of allegiance to the fashions of her native land.

2). Logan says Irina "almost seems to think she is better than all of us," which is like saying, "Octomom almost seems like she wants attention."

1). Jimmy Choo's president, Tamara Mellon, describes Logan's outfit as "a tragedy," rightfully putting it up there with The Holocaust, Rwandan genocide, and Lindsay Lohan's recent runway collection for Emanuel Ungaro.

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